I am addicted to 5 hour energy. You know those little bottle's at the check out stand, plenty of advertising on t.v. and radio too. I like all of the flavors except the lemon lime one, those taste literally like vomit. Every morning when I wake up I don't feel like I can actually get to work or accomplish anything until I have one. I don't actually even drink the whole thing at once, I usually take the bottle in 3rd's throughout the day. I love them, but I also hate them. They have become an addiction just as strong as any other addiction. If I try and go without them I sometimes get headaches, probably from the lack of caffeine, as I consume little or no other sources of caffeine. What really bothers me though is that they aren't cheap either, and they are getting more expensive. Just like cigarettes now, I got addicted when they were cheap and I actually enjoyed them, and now they above my budget and I feel like I can't live without them. If you ever plan on trying them, or energy drinks, any one of those fast energy products, please use moderation. Don't end up like me...

Does the spirit exist? I have spent a good pat of my life searching for and practicing spirituality. Looking for religion, looking in reality for answers about why we are here and what we are supposed to do. For the most part I have made up my mind, we are nothing but biological entities, and what we call our soul, our consciousness is nothing more than a trick our large ape-inspired brains has concocted for us. The truth is, for me at least, is that we have no actual purpose beyond perpetuation of the species, survival if you will. While this may sound like it should inspire no hope, and no meaning to our lives, for me it does the opposite. If we are nothing but mere accidents of evolution than the universe is our oyster. We have no predetermined fates, there is nothing we cannot accomplish through persistence, learning, and experimentation. We write our own destinies.

After creating my first post for my blog I want to get some actual content here as well. I thought I would start by sharing a story from my childhood that has always made a large impression on me throughout my life.

I do not remember how old I was, but if I were to guess I was probably 8 years old when this happened. I lived relatively small house with my parents and older sister, and we had this fantastic wooded area back behind the house. I always thought of it as my personal forest, however it was not very large, but large enough that once inside you could get far enough in to the point where you would no longer feel like you were in the middle of suburbia. My father has an Alcoholic until they day he died at the ripe old age of 50, and this is important to this story. One day I was home alone and wandering around in the forest back behind the house, and I had discovered some glass bottles, they were bottles of liquor my father had consumed and instead of putting them in the trash he used to throw them up into the woods from the back porch. I think he did this out of laziness or it also might have been to hide how much he drank from my mother. Well I had seen these bottles many times and really hadn't ever thought about them or done anything with them before, but that day was different. I took it upon myself to find as many of those empty glass bottles as I could and I proceeded to toss them from the forest down into our backyard which had a tiered garden with lots of large rocks. As you may imagine it was quite satisfying at the time, the loud cracking noises and shards of glass flying everywhere in the backyard. I really don't know what I was thinking at the time, because it created an awful mess. What happened next is what I will never forget. On this particular day my father arrived home before my mother, which I honestly don't recall how that could have happened because my father always worked a lot and my mother always seemed to be home. He quickly discovered what I had done, and I can remember the fear I had then, having done something so foolishly and making such a huge mess. My father never scolded me for what I did and instead acted as if I wasn't even there, he then proceeded to clean up the mess which I had created. I still have those images in my head of him crawling around in the garden on his hands and knees picking up shards of glass, both his hands and knees were bleeding quite profusely. I just stood there and watched him, I didn't even try to help. I think back on it now and then, and have come to the conclusion that he was so full of shame from being an Alcoholic that he wasn't mad at me at all, he simply wanted to hide the mess from my mother.

Starting off with a little about myself. I suffer from some mental health conditions and I thought it might be therapeutic for myself to start blogging about them. My hopes with this blog are to both help myself to better organize my thought and emotions where i can look back upon them, as well as entertain and/or help other people who are living with the same or similar mental health issues.